It's no secret. I am an anxious person. I worry about every little thing - from the stupidest of things to things that actually deem to be normal to be anxious about.I feel absurd to even be posting about this, but I can't get it out of my head. See, I am a worrier!
For 22 years, we had the exact same Christmas/holiday routine. I would be home from school (whether it be elementary school, high school or university) as would my brothers. Christmas was done at home with my immediate family and usually my grandparents. A small gathering. Perfect though. No chaos, no long drives, no moving from house to house. Just us spending family time together. Sometimes a movie on Boxing Day but mainly just sitting around enjoying each others company. I knew exactly what we were having for dinner, that we had to go open our stockings before gifts, that we would be going to Christmas Eve mass and come home to some yummy sandwiches. I just knew the routine and loved it.
Since then, many things have changed. Not only has my mom passed away, but my dad has retired, my brothers and I have jobs, Mr. C has come along, I live 5-6 hours from my dad and he has a new lady friend.
Every Christmas since my mom passed, we have had a different "routine" for Christmas. Let me recap:
2006 - the year my mom passed away. We went to my aunt's cottage in Tremblant. It was so needed as we couldn't bare the thought of having Christmas without her in our home.
2007 - Christmas at home (we had just moved to a new house) with my great uncle and immediate family.
2008 - same as 2007 but we decided to have our dinner catered. I know that sounds weird, but it was freakin' delicious and all the cooking in the year prior was too stressful/a lot of work for a small group.
2009 - no clue to be honest
2010 - by this time, my dad had met a new lady friend (who is still his lady friend today) and so we had Christmas at her place. This was a HUGE change. I believe this was also the first year where I spent Christmas eve/Christmas morning with Mr. C's family and then we drove 5 hours to mine on Christmas Day.
2011 - I think about the same but my dads lady friend also joined us.
2012 - Christmas Eve/Morning with Mr. C's family and then we decided to go to a really famous Christmas Dinner at a Fairmont Hotel in Ottawa. Again, a big change as it wasn't a home cooked meal. We also experienced a HORRID snow storm on our Christmas Day drive.
2013 - Change of plans again. Christmas Eve/Morning with Mr. C's family and then driving EIGHT hours to Mont Tremblant to hopefully make it there for dinner.....
*update since when I originally drafted this post. There has been a change yet again to our plans haha!
All this to show that I don't handle change very well. I find the holidays to be stressful and I am not trying to be a grinch. Gift purchasing/giving doesn't bother me as I have a small family and shop for mainly men so it's not too bad in that area. I worry about other things. I worry about the weather. Will it be a massive blizzard on our long drive? Will we make it in time for dinner or will everyone need to wait for us? I worry about my family dynamics. Things are difficult at times. I worry about my younger brother who won't be able to join us this year. I worry about WORK of all dang things. I worry about whether my dad wishes I stayed longer or that I could spend Christmas Eve with him.
It's just an emotionally exhausting time for me each year. Don't get me wrong - I love it. I love spending time with my family, relaxing and hanging out but not when there is a new normal each year. For someone that is a worry wart and anxious to begin with, it just eats at my mind. I sometimes wish I could go back to those precious 21 years of holiday routine I had.
Does anyone else find the holiday time stressful or am I just being crazy? haha!